Montréal, the city of professional love bombing and where romantic loyalty comes to die. It's so bad the government is considering changing Je me souviens to “going with the flow”. Simultaneously, the definition of casual has become so muddled you'll meet their friends and family before they've deleted their dating app profiles. Times are grim for the single hotties.

But fret not, my sweets. During my many recurring stints of casual dating in my early 20s, I got sick of getting messages just saying “hey” or “you're hot”. However, those who wait to be messaged first cannot judge. As a result, I tested different lures and tactics of seduction that require the least amount of effort with the most pull efficiency, a practice I'm now coining as match-baiting.

My first Tinder bio read: “will tattoo your name on my lip if hot and interesting.” A conversation starter, a compliment, and an act of submissiveness all in one. Also a total lie, but effective psychological manipulation, and it worked a charm. Unbeknownst to my dates, I was actually on a mission to complete a challenge my best friend and I had introduced into our lives.

Naturally a homebody, I would happily stay home over getting ready to go on a date and experience the dating scene horrors. I’ve been forced to sit through many odd mixtapes and vinyls, trauma dumps and horrendous movies for a potential happy ending. But back in late 2020, the last time my bestie and I were sexy and both single, we explored what the dating pool had to offer. She was looking for love. I wanted to lower my Rice Purity Test score.

The dating pool had weeds, shrimps, and oversexed dolphins (a shocker to all of you, I'm sure). Over the years, we perfected the art of gamifying our lives and interests and turning them into friendly competition, and dating was no exception. At some point, I decided to keep track of my successful dates by their nationality. We briefly floated around the idea of making a DIY hookup passport; keeping track of who, from where, when and a review. (Un)fortunately, trying to get all 195 countries was not feasible so we shifted gears to something more realistic and the Official Alphabet Kiss List™ was created.

To determine if you should add the Kiss List to your dating life, take into consideration that this is meant for those who disregard the Rice Purity Test's warning of not using it as a bucket list and for those who played flash games like Office Lovers Kiss or Romance Academy: Heartbeat of Love on girlsgogames.com during computer class a bit too often. The concept of the Kiss List is in the name: kiss someone of every letter in the alphabet. We compiled everyone we'd ever kissed, but if you're up for a challenge, start from zero. From then on, we'd pay closer attention to the cute guys whose first initial we hadn't yet kissed and go on dates with them to up our tally. The goal was to get all 26 letters, though not necessarily in alphabetical order. It was never about finishing the list quicker, because the focus was strictly to make out with someone hot to add a letter to the scoreboard. My bestie has since settled down, but the spirit of the list's mission still lives through me.

You can tailor the Kiss List to whatever categorization you'd like. Some options are:

• Other alphabets: Arabic has 28 letters, Cyrillic has 30 to 32, and Japanese has between 46 to 71.

• Zodiac signs: As a water sign, I discovered I have an unhealthy attraction to fire signs.

• Snow White's seven dwarfs: Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, Dopey, and Doc.

• The Smurfs: With over a hundred official characters, you are sure to bump into Brainy, Hefty or Handy Smurf.

My rules with the Kiss List are as follows:

1. Have fun. Above all else.

2. Be selective. If picturing it makes you uneasy, don't bother.

3. Leave if you're miserable. If you're enjoying yourself, go get your kiss.

4. No harm in improving upon a letter you already have crossed off. (That's how you go from A to bigger and better A.)

Up until this year, my Kiss List was only known to my friends. Following a breakup in late 2024, I changed the bio on my dating profile to “completing my Kiss List before my birthday, wanna help?” This was a real game changer. It sparked many responses, including asking what a Kiss List is; asking how many letters I had left; offers to take care of a missing letter; or offers joining the ranks of a completed letter to improve upon/one-up the previous record holder. (WARNING: I cannot guarantee the same if you plan on announcing the seven dwarfs or The Smurfs' kiss list.)

My best first dates came from expanding my list, including: tipsy bowling, sober minigolf, the touristy Ferris wheel ride in the Old Port, long yap sessions at the Randolph and Parc Lafontaine, drinks and an edible at the Marriott Inn downtown, and being driven around Outremont looking at the rich people houses while high. If you couldn't tell, the list has become my excuse to leave my stuffy apartment and explore the city with someone along for the ride.

As of now, I’ve kissed 18 out of 26 letters, at exactly 70% completion of my list. Despite that, I did give up on completing the challenge every time I believed I met The One, so I might’ve accidentally cursed myself into achieving 26 out of 26 if I ever want to find my person. My hoes now know completing the list comes first, which has devastated my most loyal “pretending to be ready to commit” situationships.

Still, the benefits to starting a Kiss List are the same as the cons: if you commit to it, you'll meet and experience so many people, you'll create innumerable memories. Some delightful, some disturbing. For instance, you could find out about a collaboration your favourite band did from a T-Dot Korean pretending to be Czech. You may discover you have a particular affinity for meeting Coloradans. Maybe you'll have only bad experiences in housing around McGill campus and forever associate Björk to your twin flame you were scorned by.

Whether the kiss turns into something more is up to you, your date, and your gut instinct. If you hate the kiss, you know how the rest will go, so make your escape. Conversely, the rush of a good first date is the closest thing to having a crush while on the apps. Being intimate while casual shouldn’t be mutually exclusive, considering everyone wants to date but not commit. So go get your kissing on.